Bad Choices

Hive, I made a mistake.

(MC, if you see this one, stop. Just don’t.)

I’ve read some posts over on the boards where a girl chooses her ladies too early, things totally change, and she has the wrong people standing up with her, even her MOH. I’ve been a Maid of Honor twice (although never a bridesmaid), and have drifted apart from both girls, sadly. I’ve also been the not-bridesmaid before (the bride asked her girls two years out and we were much closer by her actual wedding than she was to her ‘maids) although I didn’t mind at all.

For whatever reason, it was important to me that I pick people who I’d known for awhile (I guess because that means they’ll still be around in a long time?). And I oh-so-worried about inconveniencing people or putting them out or that they wouldn’t want to be in my wedding. In my case, it had nothing to do with money or anything else. It was, honestly, pretty irrational.

I’ve been at my current school for four years, and for the past two and a half years, I’ve carpooled almost everyday with MC. We have the same first name & last initial (gee, guess what it is). We’re pretty similar in lots of ways. We get along really well. We spend an hour plus together almost every day. When Shamrock and I started dating, she would drop me off for a date on our way home from work. She was the first person to meet him. The three of us have inside jokes. We hang out outside of school.


Source: teacher newsletter, photo by JK, Assistant Principal. Have I mentioned I’m a math teacher? We had those custom made…

I thought hard about asking MC to be a bridesmaid, but 4/6 of our party is already my people and I didn’t want it to be that unbalanced–even if BFF is standing up with Shamrock. I felt like it would be 70% my friends, and I shouldn’t do that.

I told myself it was fine to have her do a reading, and I was going to ask her in the spring. She would be there with us, she wouldn’t care if she wasn’t a bridesmaid (and she wasn’t offended–but I don’t know why or how I convinced myself she wouldn’t even be flattered to be asked). She knows more about my wedding than anyone else, and I talk to her more than Sis, Mathlete & Blondie, probably combined.

But I won’t be asking her after all, because she won’t be there–she was asked to be in another coworker’s wedding on the same day. We’re both super sad about it, but it is what it is. This is my biggest wedding regret. She should have been there with me, and I wish I’d made a better choice. (And I hope you aren’t reading this MC, because I know how upset it makes you, but I’m sorry. So sorry.)

So, Hive, my advice to you (which is as good as any advice from someone who made a terrible choice could be):

Don’t worry about all those rules or what you should do.  Have uneven numbers. Ask people who have been around your whole life. Ask the people who are super important to you right now, even if you might drift apart later. And think of how you would feel. None of the girls I almost-asked would have been surprised or confused. Each of them would have been flattered and excited. And if someone is so important to you that its hard to imagine getting married without them there? That’s a sign. They should have a role in your wedding, because they’re more than just another guest.

Any regrets? Whats your advice for when & whom to ask?

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