The Guest List Follies

So I talked a little about my family drama and non-drama.

Ultimately, I decided to uninvite my aunt. It’s ok if you think I am the Worst Person Ever, because I kind of do too. My mom asked me to call my uncle (the only other family member who still really talks to her), who suggested I tell her now that she was no longer welcome–we thought maybe we could tell her if she didn’t stop she wouldn’t be welcome.

I won’t get into the details–it was sucky then, it still isn’t a great feeling, but I called and gave her son a heads up (his reply was, “Oh, yeah, definitely, I was assuming that.”) and then ripped off the bandaid. I got yelled at a lot, but then it was over and everyone felt better she wasn’t coming. My uncle or I talked to the rest of the their siblings and everyone was super supportive, which also made me feel better. I also gave the venue coordinator a heads up, and one of our guests is a cop, but nothing happened at the reception, so that was good. (If you’re in the same situation, my venue coordinator said they NEVER come.)

But enough of that–there were some other things that went on with the guest list too.

I’ve spent enough time on the boards to know the ire this topic draws on occasion but…I invited people late. More than one even. Where did such an etiquette breach come from?

My Mini-Me! I have a student teacher (we call them residents, and they’re with us for a whole year) and she’s awesome. She and I have the same personality (see also: we accidentally dress alike. Repeatedly.) and we’ll definitely be keeping in touch. I knew for sure I would love to have her at my wedding…but I was also her boss. I write her evaluations, letters of recommendation, and we spend a lot of time together.

And so, although her name was on my invitation list since February (and I for sure talked about the wedding in front of her) she didn’t get invited until the day AFTER my rsvps were due. I waited until she was officially hired for her new school and as far as I can tell she wasn’t supremely horrified at my etiquette breach.

In fact, we chatted about invites several times, and everytime she would go, “Plus family!” and roll her eyes. When she got married she invited a HS friend who had a young child. She had no idea how to word the invite (and her wedding wasn’t very formal) so she just wrote “Friend & Family” thinking that implied the friend and her child. Imagine her surprise when she got the rsvp back for 5! She also brought her parents and one of her brothers. Um, ok.

Also, her husband couldn’t come and so the only people at our wedding she had even met were the two of us–but she came anyhow! She was so much fun and I’m so glad she came anyhow (look for lots of pictures of her on the dance floor).

Our other last minute invites were our brand new neighbors. They were never on our invite list, but my mom & her “gentleman caller” (old people don’t have boyfriends…that’s just weird :)) travel with them regularly. Once we bought our house, my mom suggested we might want to have them too since they live right down the block. The day before our rsvps were due, they had dinner and were thrilled to be invited.

Do all these people secretly think we’re the height of rude? Maybe…but I really don’t think so. I think they didn’t expect an invite and were pleased to be included. Or maybe they (or you) think we’re terrible and never want to speak to us again. Can’t win ’em all…that’s real life.

In other guest list news, at least three married couples did not bring their spouse (my cousin, a friend and my uncle), so there’s always that. And because people are often curious about it, we had 5 no shows: 1 due to health (we always knew his “yes” reply was actually a “maybe”), 1 due to a flight never arriving (poor Uncle Tom, he rsvped way back in January!), 2 who were just very rude (because there’s always someone, right?) and 1 due to valid personal reasons that are too complicated to get into here.

Oh, and then I last minute invited a whole bunch of people to the ceremony ONLY–no reception for these guys:


Hive, my Lunch Bunch of the past two years; Lunch Bunch, Hive | Caili Helsper Photography

I ate lunch with these girls and the boy in the jacket for the last two years (and taught them for two years as well). They plan little parties at all the holidays and they’re already planning their Christmas reunion since they’re headed to college. They were so thrilled to be invited and it was great to see them there–and although they would definitely have loooooved to come to the reception, I think they were happy enough with my ceremony invite.

Any other last minute additions to your guest list? Any other teachers have students at their wedding?


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